Stalled career and staller life

I have been feeling depressed for a while. I am a person who gets confidence from the quality of work I put out. Recently, I have just not been interested in this. Its not like a switch flipped and I don't care. I have been going down this rabbithole for a while now. I think it started with people's lack of confidence in me for managerial-related things and it has snowballed into me not being able to get even smaller tasks completed with good quality that I can be proud of. Its mostly ticking of checkbox of things that I am doing - not quality work. 

May be this was always true and it has started to become apparent now because there are people who can do a better job. Its not like I don't know how to do them and what will create quality content. I just don't want to. I am lazy and decide against putting in effort. I just want to watch content and while away my time. I tell my husband that I want to be a kept woman now. He probably thinks it's a joke. But it's not. I don't have the energy or the mindset to do anything anymore. I am constantly tired and bored at the same time. I was to do things and credit for them but refuse to uplift people. I am starting to think that I am a really toxic person. 

I want to showcase that I am good and smart without putting in any effort. I am doing too many things and streching myself. But I don't know how to do this. I am unfocused, unproductive, and a bad employee. Ok - the last part may not be completely true yet but that is where this is headed. 

I sometimes think that my job is the problem. I have felt unfulfilled there for so long that it is just transferring to other parts of my life. I a toxic and this place is toxic for me. But I am stuck. I have been stuck here for so long, I don't even know if my skills are useful anywhere or if I even have skills at this point. 

That is the core problem. I want to leave. But where do I go from here? I have no talents that I can make use of. I want to start my own business. I have always wanted to do that but can I do it. Actually, while I was typing that, my consience said - I absolutely can. I just don't want to put the upfront effort. 

I just need to focus on one thing, clear it out and move on to the new one. I need to have some achievements under my belt so that I am not so toxic to people anymore. I just need to. While even writing this, I am feeling the itch to go to YT and watch some shorts. But no, I need to not waste time. I need to focus and be productive. I don't think it is going to help me with this job. I think that is a lost cause but it can help me get some structure in place inside my mind. I feel so lost.

The other big part of this is that I don't meet enough people. Apart from people at my home, I don't meet anyone on a weekly basis at all. I need to change that. I am really becoming a ghost. I guess thats the true term. I am a ghost of myself. No drive, no pasison. Just letting the world go by. My kids have the energy and I am really letting them down. I am just a shitty excuse of an example for them. I need to change myself. They need better. I need better. My husband needs better.